Mind Wellness Archives - driven by wellness

Who would have thought there would be positive outcomes to suffering from a chronic illness?! But, it’s true. I’ve leaned lessons and gained invaluable skills that will help me the rest of my life.

Life Lesson 1: I’ve learned to listen to myself

It took a chronic illness for me to listen to my inner thoughts and take action, that I needed to entirely focus on health and not waste any more of my time and energy. Although my health issues have taken away countless hours and experiences from my life the last three years, one valuable, unexpected outcome is it’s given me more focus and an ability to listen to myself. I wouldn’t have otherwise left my career, my job at a great company. I wouldn’t have entertained the idea of paying a significant amount of money to further my knowledge in holistic nutrition and wellness, just for the sake of my interest in learning about the concepts, how it can help me, and to take note of what components I feel drawn to. Maybe I wouldn’t have listened to my gut about how my long term relationship with my partner was actually not the best fit for both of us.

Life Lesson 2: I’m able to remain grateful and not take the small things for granted

I remember days where I could barely get out of bed or off the couch, where my legs burned and my knee stiffness made walking up a step an incredible struggle. When my body felt full of concrete and my mental state was in a very hopeless, depressed cloud. Going through this kind of experience gives me such an appreciation for the days I feel well enough to do seemingly small activities like:

Walking around the neighborhood.
Running two or more errands in a row
Being on a trail in nature. Obviously extremely grateful for being able to complete strenuous hikes, but I appreciate even just walking on a lower-elevation-gain trail.
Spending quality time with family and friends. When I physically and mentally am not well, it unfortunately impacts my desire to reach out and want to connect with anyone (besides my dog). I’m in a much better place now as my health improves.

Something that helped me foster gratitude was a daily gratitude journal — every morning, noting three things I’m grateful and happy for. These are not necessarily meant to be deep! No need to overcomplicate things. Some examples of mine range from “the beautiful weather today” to “sleeping through most of the night”.

One of the life lessons from Lyme: Writing in a simple gratitude journal on a daily basis helped me with happiness despite my situation — A simple gratitude journal worked wonders for my happiness. Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

Life Lesson 3: I’m able to embrace self-compassion and love myself more

Another important lesson — self-compassion cannot be emphasized enough. Only until recently, I’ve always been hard on myself and held myself to unrealistic, high standards. Make a mistake in an analysis at work that I shared out at work? Continue thinking of how I might be viewed as incompetent weeks later. Write a long to-do list and (unsurprisingly) only cross off one of the ten items? Feel unproductive, and begin the next day with the mindset of “I’m already behind!”, setting myself up for failure as I repeat this everyday. And countless many other examples of how to not exemplify warmth and kindness to myself. Why is it that we are so understanding and compassionate towards our friends when they describe setbacks, yet we NEVER take our own advice, suddenly thinking we are the exception and judging ourselves harshly in our own times of failure?

Some specific examples of me having more self-compassion and listening to myself, as mundane as these seem, when consistently repeated over time really did help begin a shift in my mindset to one of acceptance and no judgment:

The day’s goal of a couple chapters worth of progress on my holistic nutrition certification, but it never materializing due to fatigue means that I should listen to what my body is needing. What’s the artificial rush I’m putting on myself to finish the certification quickly? I have so much time to complete it.
Removing pressure on myself to quickly create this blog, and not feeling ‘behind’. Again, there’s no deadlines here. Continue making baby steps and learning more, and recognize that I have been doing other productive things, focusing on healing, and everything else I need to be doing.
Long day or feeling off but still want to commit to daily yoga? Embrace a very modified yoga class. I’ve reduced the usual 65 minute class to a 20 minute session before. Or, just done my own gentle stretches on the mat while the instructor continues on. I have the rest of my life to master the asanas, why make it a big deal if I choose to work on it tomorrow instead?

Life Lesson 4: I’m reminded I can always adapt my plans and expectations

It used to be that once I have a plan or decide on something, its very difficult for me to not want otherwise. This stubbornness and rigidity has its pros and cons — on the one hand, I will persevere and not be deterred until I accomplish whatever that goal is, but on the other hand, if something doesn’t go as planned, it is incredibly disappointing and I have a hard time coping with the outcome.

Anyone with chronic health issues can attest to this: take everything day by day. The certainty of future plans, whether that be something small like going to a movie, or planning an international getaway, will always be subject to how my symptoms are. I simply must adapt and be flexible.

Having realistic expectations and reassuring myself that I can modify or postpone my plans has really helped me throughout it all. Why put pressure on myself to do x? I can also be happy doing y. And there’s always tomorrow. I have so much more time in my life. Again, self-compassion. 🙂

Life Lesson 5: Just breathing and being present will forever ground me during difficult times

Former Crystal would’ve scoffed at the thought of yoga, meditation, and being present. She enjoyed faster paced, more “busy” activities such as hip-hop dance fitness and running, and did not have the patience for something slower paced. Ironic that something I wrote off ended up saving me during the past year as I’ve struggled, and continues to provide me with peace and happiness.

When I focus on breathing and presence, whether that be in a yoga class or a sound bath class (highly recommended, by the way!), my mind doesn’t feel as chaotic. I don’t have racing thoughts of the things I’d like to get done that day. Even if it does come in, my mind doesn’t react in an abrupt way to it. I’m able to gently recognize the thought, and put it in a mental jar. The ability to take in my surroundings allows me to truly experience them, and find happiness through the gratitude that I feel in the little things (or big things).

Physical benefits exist as well, ranging from improving blood pressure to decreasing pain. Oxygen does wonders for the body and mind.

One of the life lessons from Lyme: breathing and being present is a valuable tool in the strive towards happiness and gratitude. — Just breathe.

I’m not perfect with all of this, and do still sometimes catch myself being self-critical. But, overall, I’m continuing to improve, and that’s a great sign. Do you have any specific examples of truly listening to yourself and being self-compassionate? What has worked for you?

Quitting my job and not having another lined up, let alone not having a concrete plan at all? How risky, scary and extremely irresponsible! Yet, here I am having done it. I never would have thought I’d do such a thing, especially in my 30s. Whenever I heard of a peer quitting their job to travel, while I would envy their decision and impending adventures, how could I possibly do something similar? When faced with such a decision, we tend to focus on our insecurities and fears, emphasizing all possible things that could go wrong in the myriad of what-ifs that surface, overshadowing the many positive outcomes that could come about as well.

Indecision is the worst, and blindly following along a path you haven’t reevaluated in years sets you up for goals that no longer apply.

I’m sure many of you feel this way before settling on a major decision — being in the interim, feeling-torn stage is the worst. Going back and forth, making a (pseudo) decision and feeling pleased with yourself, yet changing your mind and ending up at the drawing board, is a brutal, cyclical process. Analysis paralysis strikes. This combined with the equally hindering barrier of no longer following the clear path that’s been laid out in front of you, makes the decision so daunting. But, realizing that you can venture off the path and create a new one that is actually more relevant to who you are today is an incredibly freeing and transformative feeling. Yes, obviously there was a purpose for me getting a degree in x so that I could apply my skills to job y, and work up to job z, but what if my needs have incrementally changed along the way? Taking time to reflect and make adjustments is important. Something else that is freeing — realizing you can go back should you find that’s what you end up needing.

My decision-process for leaving my job was fortunately not a drawn out one. As I mention in other posts, the seed was planted when I first went on leave for my health issues, and I began hearing inner thoughts come up more and more as I felt unwell from December thru February. Initially, it hit as a jumble of thoughts. A wave of worries that were completely disorganized and overwhelming. My therapist recommended that I write everything down to help organize all the disjoint thoughts, which spurred on making my decision.

Step 1: When thoughts and worries are overwhelming and messy, write it all down.

Brainstorming, with no order at all, all the reasons holding me back made me feel some relief. What am I afraid of?

The first step in helping make my decision to leave was writing out all my concerns. — My first step in the decision-making was identifying all my concerns.

Step 2: Categorize my worries related to the decision.

Reordering and categorizing everything holding me back helped me begin feeling I had some control over everything. If I could wrangle everything into categories, wrapping my mind around everything seemed more manageable.

The second step in helping make my decision to leave was categorizing all my concerns. — Time to categorize and try to make sense of all my concerns!

Step 3: Identify potential solutions.

For each of my worries, I identified a solution, where the key aspect was to focus on what I could control. If it’s out of my hands, how could I do anything about it anyways?

The third step in helping make my decision to leave was thinking about solutions. — Every worry has a potential solution. Its easy to get caught up in the problem and not see how it can be resolved.

Step 4: Feel less overwhelmed.

I felt an immense weight lifted from my shoulders once I went through the exercise, almost like the tipping point for me. My worries had solutions. Once I actually acknowledged there was someway I could wrangle in my worries, I felt in control. Seemed like most was manageable, and I could finally think with logic. You know when you give friends advice and never follow it yourself? I found this began to shift.

Is going through the process guaranteeing that you’ll immediately be able to make a decision towards action, whatever that action is? No, but it helped me process everything and was a necessary initial step.

Another exercise I completed that helped me make the decision to quit was itemizing (and also subsequently categorizing) all the things I wanted to do with my time. Writing everything out helped me see there were numerous possibilities, and so much motivation. So many prospects that I simply did not have enough time or energy for in my current situation, given my limited time, health and wellness.

Remember to have self-compassion.

Leaving is a big decision, and relieving yourself of pressure is key to the process. I reminded myself “this decision is not the end-all.” Whatever I do, is fine! If I discover something else I’m meant to be doing and my health improves, obviously great and what I would love. If I find I need to pick up a job for supplemental income on top of my savings, great. If I learn I miss my data science and product analytics life, great. There’s no reason why I have to set high expectations for myself during this time. I’m choosing to be kind to myself as I explore and try new things and focus on my health, and hope you remind yourself to do the same if you are in the same situation!

What helps you when you make these big decisions?

5 life lessons a chronic illness taught me